Monday, May 07, 2007

Advice for life

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic.
Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat
and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly
removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while
you chop away.

3. You can avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting
the toilet seat just by using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself
and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Remember to use an egg timer.

5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock
will prevent you from rolling over and going back to
sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a
hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't
move but should, use the WD-40.
If it should not move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

Thought for the day:

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES..... THEY ARE NOT REALLY
GOOD FOR ANYTHING... BUT THEY STILL BRING A SMILE TO
YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS.

3 comments:

superdooehjesjmitchkjahahjksa said...

Haha funny stuff

your sister of another mister said...

right on!

Captain Best said...

This advice is ridiculous. I don't even know what WD-540 or whatever it's called is! Why would I bvase my lfei around these ridiculous advicenesses. I have a better rule for life, and there is only one, so it is easy to remember:

1 - If you're struggling at something, learn an aerobics routine.

Wowm so deep. And special, and good. I should be a philosopher.